The Bachelorette: Episode Three

 

So we’re back!  Yes I’m late again.  My life is a little chaotic right now to say the least.    But that’s another post for another day. 

This was an awesome episode of the Bachelorette.  Where to even begin!!!  So we start the episode with Emily in bed looking gorgeous after waking up in full make-up.  Her mother is at her beckon call with breakfast served to her bed while her daughter dances outside her room.  All is well at the house of Emily. 

Date card arrives and a very happy Chris gets a date with Emily can’t stop talking about kissing her.   

Emily and Chris – Climbing A Wall to Get to Dinner

Emily  is intimidated by Chris and his good looks.  He really isn’t THAT good looking is he?  Is he?  To me he reminds me of one of those mug shots you see of a stalker who is super shy and obsessive and you’re like, “oh he’s kind of cute but he’s a stalker."  Anywho…I digress.   Emily takes Chris to a building and of course they have to scale it to get to the top in order to have dinner.  I remember the first time I had to scale a wall to get to my dinner date…. 

Emily is scared climbing the wall and Chris is calm (well he looked like he wanted to be scared but wasn’t allowed to say he was for fear of being looking upon as a wuss).  It’s lightening and thundering.   The perfect night for wall scaling.   A crowd has gathered to watch.  They make it to the top.  Chris has planned the entire way up that he will kiss her at the top.  High fives instead of a kiss.  He was quite bummed and couldn’t stop talking a kiss. 

At dinner, they have okay conversation…until Emily realizes Chris is 25.  “Red Flag” says Emily.  Kind of made me laugh.  She’s only 26.  But I guess a 25 year old is kind of young for a woman with a 6 year old child and is used to dating sugar daddies.  But Emily fell for Chris’s words.  Chris is mature and Emily can see that in him.  So he gets the rose.  

And Luke Bryan played a concert for them!  I love Luke Bryan.  But I only like his song "Country Girl Shake It For Me, but it wasn’t my date…so there was no shaking it for him…there was a little dancing.  And obsessed with kissing her as they dance Chris asks,  “Can I give you a kiss at the end of this song?”  It was all kind of awkward…there was a street crowd watching them.  

GROUP DATE! with Tony, Jef,  Wolf, Obessive Father Doug, Metrosexual Ryan, Stevie, Sean, Alejandro,  Alessjandro, Travis, Michael ---- Let’s Play!  Yay! 

The guys on this date got to get grilled by Emily’s friends.  Yay!  I love this.  And I loved that her friends looked normal and were not Supermodels.  Don’t you hate when people have Supermodels as friends?  Anyways, her friend Wendy, the blonde mom with the side ponytail.  She is super funny!  I loved her.  Her wit, her honesty, her sarcasm….it was like looking in a mirror.  When the guys found out this was going to happened, I was unimpressed with their lack of confidence.  They all felt like this there was no way they could do well with her friends.  Probably they knew they were all moms and too smart for their crap.  Moms are smart like that.  We don’t fall for flattery and flirting…we know better.  We wear our mom jeans and know we are not cool…but can look at someone and tell if they are full of it.

So here's how it went down:  

Tony:  "I have a son…I have a son…she is a mom…we’re MFEO! (made for each other)"

Jef-  "I dated a girl with a kid"

Doug- "I’m a dad and I am good looking and no one else gets this but me. "

Ryan – He was just checking the moms out.  And did push-ups for them.  Typical.

Charlie – He wasn’t sure where he was.

Travis – Showed up to talk to them with his egg.  And Wendy said, "Did you fertilize the egg yourself?"

Wolf – "My girlfriend said I should come on the show."  What?  He did quite poorly with the friends.

Stevie – Danced for them. 

Sean – They thought he was cute.  And they were right.  He admits he knows nothing about kids and the moms didn’t care.  They thought he was hot, sweet and would look good in a cape. The one friend Wendy was hilarious.   He took his shirt off for her and did push up while she sat on him.  HILARIOUS!   

After the grilling…out came a bunch of kids to play with.  And the guys decided “game on!”  Let’s grab a kid and start showing off!  Jef and Sean stood out to Emily.  Ryan  just wanted to steal time with Emily and her friends.  He went over to them chatting and they all commented on how good looking he was.  But Wendy said, "After marriage he could blow up like a tick."   Ryan said in front of the friends if Emily got lazy and got fat he would love her but wouldn’t love on her.  Wow!  That’s every woman’s worst fear.  Lol.  Ryan is an idiot.  I.D.I.O.T.  Why would you even say that to some gorgeous hot girl who obviously this isn’t an issue for.  You don’t know her well enough and let’s face it even if he was joking...girls don't find it funny when they are home crying into their Hagen Daaz. 

The friends recommended Sean and Doug as their picks for her. 

At night, Emily took the boys out for some…well…sit around time.  Sean is sweet.  I like him.  He comes from a good family. Emily really likes him and he said all the right things. 

Obsessive father Doug, continued to talk about being a father.  Emily wanted him to stop talking about being a dad and talk about himself.  So instead he talked about his dad who had epilepsy and died one night because he didn’t want to spend the grocery money on getting medication for himself…or something like that.  Wow.  I mean that’s a sweet story and it made Emily cry…but…um…Dougie needs to lighten up.  He’s too serious. 

Tony started to flip out on the date. Playing with the other kids made him miss his son.  Tony is pathetic.  He doesn’t know how to hit on a pretty girl.  Telling your hopeful gorgeous wife, how much you miss your kid….even if she is a mom….it’s not attractive.  It makes her feel sorry for you yes…but not in a “you’re hot!” kind of way…it’s more like a “you’re not strong enough for me” kind of way.   Tony is cute and he will find someone…but it’s for sure not Emily.   OCD Doug talked with Tony and I found it sweet how two dads sat and consoled each other.  I do like seeing Dads who are involved…believe me.  But at one point during the phone conversation with his son Taylor, my son Ian was sitting and playing with his Lincoln Logs and saw Tony talking to his son and he said, “what’s wrong with him??? Is he dying?”   You hit the nail on the head Ian.   

Emily again had to console Tony.  Why Tony decided to get emotional on a group date in front of Emily and not at the house where he spends most of his time with other dudes…well…I might smell a little acting.  Not Oscar worthy.  And I think Emily saw through it a bit…but played into it by sending him home.  :-)    And Tony was okay with it.  No tears were shed in this departure.  Bye Tony.

Ultimately Sean got the Rose.  Which made me happy.  Just wished he would have done some more push-ups with his shirt off. 

Date with Arie:  Dollywood

Ahhh….I love Arie.  Mmmmm Arie.  Race car drivers are hot.  And race car drivers at Dollywood are hotter still. 

They flew to Tennessee and went to Dollywood.  Arie is “super chill” and “good looking without trying too hard”…unlike Ryan.    And I have to say…I want to go to Dollywood.  Really. 

Emily was scared over the roller coaster.  But she had just scaled a wall 2 days ago.  Whatever.  Arie is awesome.  Sorry Rich…but Rich is also Team Arie with me.  He might have a man crush on Arie too. 

So they went to write a love song and out comes the tightest, whitest, sequinist jump suit in the world and in it was Dolly Parton.  I thought it as funny that Dolly was like, “you’re really surprised to see me…you’re at Dollywood???”  hahahahaha!  Why is Dolly not on the Top 40 anymore?  Seriously…she is awesome.   I liked that Dolly had some girl talk with Emily.  Emily was so smitten on Dolly…, “it’s crazy Dolly Parton even knows I exist on this planet.”  Wow.  If only Dolly knew I existed too.

I LOVED the song Dolly sang at the end.  It was so sweet.  Made me almost cry.  ALMOST.  And I think Emily is digging Arie.  As she should.  He is awesome.  Arie seems to be sincerely into Emily. 

At dinner time they shared.  Arie admitted to being in love with a girl who had two kids.  He was close to the two kids and even lived with the girl.  The girl broke up with him…and it was sad because he missed the kids.   Arie is ready for kids.  Not obsessively just normal.   Emily is good with the race car driver lifestyle.  Emily tried to mess with Arie about not giving him the Rose…and pretending like she wasn’t going to not give it to him.  “Awww…bless your heart, I couldn’t do it…I was going to make a joke…”  but I’m not funny…I’m just hot …ha ha ha ha   Then they went and made out on a merry-go-round!  Weeeeeeeee!!!  Of course Arie got the rose and he will be staying around for awhile.  He reminds her of Ricki’s father…he best relationship ever. 

Cocktail Party

Oh it gets good. 

Emily announces she has “a couple crushes.”  She steals Kalon first.  Oh goodie. 

Kalon was a little upset that he didn’t have a date…he was a Class A jerk.  He admits he has never had to share much in his life…RED FLAG.  They talk about him being a father to Ricki…he has hesitations.  And surprisingly says to her, “I love it when you talk but I wish you’d let me finish.”  That shut Emily down a but and felt he was condescending.  He was.  But she is trying to figure out if he just a jerk or a gentleman.

Travis with the egg…who we haven’t seen much of.  Travis and Emily smash Shelly the Egg.  This whole egg thing is STUPID.  Please Travis…please….you could be so adorable…but you’re odd. 

And then there is Alessjandro.  Oh man.  This guy is so funny and unfortunately doesn't know it.  They sat and discussed him being a father.  He tells her he is inexperienced with kids and that her daughter would be a compromise.  She was very careful that this was not a language barrier….he assured her there was no language barrier…it would be a compromise because he couldn’t be free to move away and do things.   Alessjandro didn’t seem to understand why this would be hard for Emily to understand.  Oh Alessjandro.  You are so funny.  He basically told her…well if I’m “willing to compromise” and take you and Ricki on…then I would consider it an honor I guess to be married to you.  Oh man.  And that was the last we heard of Alessjndro as he was sent home.  He was shocked…but admitted he couldn’t give Emily and Ricki what they needed.   (We learn later he told her friends, he cheated on a girlfriend, had a one night stand and dated his 3rd cousin!...LOL...He also said he was a gypsy and probably should never even be allowed to have a pet.  Her friends say to him, "SHE HAS A KID!"  LOL...don't they screen these guys????)

She came back in to the house and was upset but was quickly consoled quietly by Arie.  Mmmmm….Arie.  And they made out.  Yay!  But this was seen by Michael and Ryan was not happy.  Is Michael spending a lot of time in the bathroom...because I never see him except at the cocktail parties???  Who is he???

Emily spends some more time with Sean.  He said it was hard not to see her after their date.  He said, "In real life I would have called you or sent you a sweet text."   Texting is hot.  Sean is convinced his dad has prepared him to take on the role as a dad.  Aww…this was sweet.  He comes from a good home.  I would adopt Sean.  And Emily and Sean are both blond so they would have cute little blond babies. 

Rose Ceremony:

All got roses (shockingly even Kalon) except poor sweet Stevie!  I liked Stevie…but obviously not for Emily.  But he would be really fun to have at a wedding or bar mitzvah.  

Ryan is intimidated by Arie.  Ryan is sure he is the one to beat and can't figure out why Emily likes Arie.  Um...because he didn't say he'd dump her if she gets fat.  

Next Week:  Bermuda.  Bermuda.  Bermuda.  Nothing that exciting to report for next week episode.  Except Ryan is about to lose it with Arie.