I am going to write this post out of frustration of
something I have witnessed over the last few months. Maybe I’m out of line but I don’t care. My blog does not get read, to my
knowledge, by anyone who would
know this situation, but I’m going to keep it fairly vague just in case.
Today was my son’s last day of preschool. We have loved this preschool for
Ian. It has been so good for
him. Over the course of the year
we have become familiar with a child in the class who sticks out quite a
bit. This child is more aggressive
and loud than the other children.
But honestly, the behavior is nothing super different than some
children I have witnessed, in fact, personally I don't think it's a big deal at all. The child just is more
vocal and seems to get in trouble all the time. Rich and I have realized that
this child’s home life may be a little battered. There is what appears to be a very young mom, a very young
dad and they are not married or even together. Sometimes this child gets dropped off with heavy metal music
blarring from the mother’s car. But
in the midst of all of this there is a very loyal grandparent, who picks up and
sometimes drops off this child.
Very sweet, very involved but very much in the middle of what appears to
be parenting issues, lack of follow through on the parents and the grandparent
is stepping in to be sure this child has some structure. This is all my observation because I
don’t know any of the actual situation.
Over the last month from field trips to other interactions I
have observed I have noticed this child can’t do anything right in the
classroom. This child is
segregated at times because of behavior.
And the other parents have noticed, and I think contribute to the teachers needing to discipline him based on some comments. The other parents don’t like this child. It is obvious. I have told Ian to be nice and kind to
this child and that this child is his friend. And overall Ian has been good to this child. The teachers at times want to say stuff
about the child, but they try to bite their tongues (as they should.) But somehow, some of the parents seems
to have “pegged” this child as trouble.
And let me remind you the child is only 5 years old.
A couple weeks ago, I posted about the bike race Ian
participated in at school. The
kids raced two at a time at the beginning. Most of the parents were there all cheering for all the
children…except this child. This child’s grandparent was on the
sideline quietly cheering on the child.
When it was this child’s turn to race, all the other parents cheered for
the other kid. Except the
grandparent quietly on the sideline…and me. I put my hands together and yelled, “go ********!!!” No one else did. No matter how aggressive or
mean or loud or silly a kid is…THEY ARE A CHILD. Does the "loving the unlovely as Jesus did" mean
anything to people? I think we
tend to forget this concept when we are annoyed with the “unlovable.”
I really didn’t think I could ever be shocked by people, but
today I was and it has disturbed to me to core. I am as sarcastic as anyone. Everyone who knows me knows I have no problem with putting people
in their place (typically gently but firmly) if I need too and I can make fun of the best. But when I saw this happen today, I
truly was disgusted and wondered where people’s compassion truly lies.
The young mom of the child I have been referring to was in
the room with the child. As I
walked into the classroom, she was giving her child a big hug and kiss
goodbye. It was actually sweet, as
I’ve never really seen her show the child any love. The teachers were talking with another parent and everyone was excited about the last day. As the mom started to walk out of the
classroom and turned to say goodbye to the teachers, she said, “see you soon for
the summer classes!” The teachers
smiled and said nothing. The other
parent after this mom left gave a sarcastic thumbs up to the teachers as if to
say, “oh goodie, those people and that child will still be around this
summer.” The child was still
in the room when this occurred. The child is not stupid and could have seen this gesture. The teachers laughed but tried to bite
their tongues and I personally wanted to get up and smack this other
parent. Partially, because this
parent is not a rock star of a parent (I could make a list of reasons why they
are not but I won’t)…and partially because I know they are a “Christian” and go
to church and it made me sick that a “Christian” would act that way. Yes they are young and the family might
be more difficult to work with …but this is an innocent child. And there are such obvious dysfunctions
this child lives with…can we not just be kind?
I am glad that this preschool year is over. Dalton will start next year with a
different class. I love the
teachers and know the teachers have to deal with lots of different types of family situations, parent personalities and kids. But the parents in this
class are very cliquey and I did not join in their group. So I’m happy that part is over. I have been thinking all day about
my own behavior and how I act, and do my actions reflect what I believe?
One thing I’ve learned from living different places and
joining different communities of people is that everywhere you go you meet
seemingly intelligent people who feel that because they are in the “in” crowd,
high up in the community, church, work etc. they can get away with judging
others. But when it comes to
children, that’s where it crosses the line for me. We hear non-stop about
bullying in schools. Where do
these perfect parents think that bullies come from? If you don’t want bullies in the schools, don’t start by
segregating and ignoring children at the age of 5 years old or using negative
reinforcement to these children, who obviously need praise and love. Your praise as a parent to a child who
is NOT your child, may be something that child remembers forever. And honestly, if this child grows up to
become a bully that beats up the other parent’s kids at school…well serves them
right. In my opinion, bullying
behavior is learned not just from at home, but from within the community and
how they were treated by others.
My recommendation is not to “peg” children as good or bad. Love them all. Teach your child to be friends with everyone...but especially the "unlovable". Invite them to the
birthday party too. Your little
gestures may go a long way.
For me, I have a heart for this child and will keep praying
for this family. I hope and pray
that they will be shown love as they head off to kindergarten and beyond, if
not from within the family, from within a community of other parents who can
recognize an opportunity to praise and show kindness to a child.
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